Reasons Why I Should be President: Universal Mommy Health Care Plan

So today was an impromptu test in my medical education. I was unexpectedly forced to fill the role of both patient and healthcare provider this morning after being inflicted with a very serious stubbed toe.

Stop laughing. I am totally not kidding. Stubbed toes are not to be underestimated. I am very seriously disabled as a result.

I managed to hack off a good chunk of my pinky toe on the frame of my bed. And this is where the Grey's worthy drama began. My toe was gushing for a solid 20 minutes straight, with no end in sight.

Now I haven't finished my Anatomy and Physiology class yet, but one of the major themes I've managed to glean so far is that blood is important to staying alive. And its most effective when its inside your body.

I'm usually not a very dramatic person (aah hum), but I started to evaluate my situation. I'm home alone and I am unable to stop the bleeding from my toe. Naturally I began to wonder how long I had until I would pass out. (which is the natural result of bleeding from the pinky toe...) I was betting that in the case that the bleeding should continue I would pass out before 5pm, which was the earliest I could possibly hope to be found by my roommate. It was clear I was going to have to take action.

So like all well educated and well trained aspiring health care professionals, I called my mother. Who, in her infinite wisdom, told me that, no I did not need stitches. (apparently pinky toes could under no circumstance warrant stitches.) All I had to do was put pressure on my pinky toe.

Now- I'd argue that I had been doing that for the 20 previous minutes of blood gushing. But since my mother told me to do it, putting pressure on my toe finally took affect. Within a few minutes, gushing had subsided (as foreseen by my infinitely wise mother).

Now, this got me thinking about being 3 years old. When you got a boo boo at age 3, you ran to Mom and Mom kissed the boo boo and magically the boo boo was all better, pending an appropriately placed Barbie/Ninja Turtle/Care Bear band-aid.

It was the best health coverage I ever had. And clearly the Mom health-care plan is life long, as it still works on my 22 year old self. And it has extended coverage since I was treated in Chapel Hill, NC while my mother was in Wilmington, NC.

So folks, here it is, the fool proof health-care solution we've all been waiting for. Mommy Health Care. And its super affordable, assuming you can throw down some bones for a decent cell phone plan. Because there is one catch to the Mommy health care plan. It doesn't kick in until you can inform your Mom of your claim. (just having a Mom is not enough to get Mommy health care coverage, you have to actually complain to your Mom for it to work, crying generally results in priority treatment...)

So Obama, you're welcome. Glad I can help yall out up there in DC. Seems like you've got your hands full keeping your culturally appropriate greetings straight anyway... so focus on that, I've got this under control.

Caribou hoo...

So I'm at caribou studying which means I've had the supreme privledge to ease drop on a lot of conversations. And its been a productive venture, as I think I've made quite the observation which has brought clarity to me about my former (journalism/english major) and future (biology/chemistry) lives. I think I finally understand the difference between the sciences and the humanities... Science majors talk about things that most people don't understand and humanity majors talk about things about which most people don't care.

But before either, both, or neither side tries to sue me for slander let me say that I think they both have their merits. For one, I am the new master of the intricacies of transcription, yay! Also, I was able to correctly construct a sentence about humanities majors and the relative importance of their conversation topics. (Notice the placement of "about" is not at the end of the sentence... ps- I failed the spelling and grammar test 11 times before I passed, damn near close to breaking the record of 13, which I would have if I had had the time)

As enlightening as an afternoon spent in Caribou can be, I think the big picture conclusion I've drawn from these observations is that regardless of your major, interests, or level of intelligence you always sound like a pompous blow hole when you spout off about anything in a public place for an extended period of time.

I'm talking to you poli sci graduate student; nationalism is not a disease of ignorance, you are.

And the sophomores psychoanalyzing their friend's boyfriend's most recent faux pas... to your argument of "Whatever", my rebuttal is "Whatever, lock it up".

And you, feminist "I want equal pay for equal work"; yeah me too, but real feminist don't wear low cut tops and twirl their hair at a boy while they yak at him. If you want equal pay for equal work, may I suggest you look into jobs with minimum wage because no one should ever pay you to think.

So in the future Caribou patrons, public rants are best served in print, so get a blog, its why we invented the internet.

Latte Count: 6

So I heard somewhere that you should never apologize for a prolonged blogging absence, so i'll skip right to the point. I was once again inspired to write. Or really I thought that an email I wrote to my good friend Porter was a relevant update on my life for the general masses, so enjoy!

"Porter....I started drinking coffee... I believe this is tantamount to when you first started drinking beer. I believe this due to my experience with a Diet Coke habit you may have noticed over the past few years. I enjoy a well carbonated cancer promoting artificially sweetened can of heaven on earth. But as wonderful as all those attributes of DIet Coke are; and each certainly contributes its own special something to the Diet Coke addict's insatiable love for the stuff; the real hook to that fantastic elixir is the caffeine.

And so we have come to the crux of my dilemma. If caffeine is the true love behind my Diet Coke affair, just imagine what a coffee habit could do to me. I can only expect it to be a constant, slightly detrimental but ever present fixture in my life for the rest of my days. But i draw comfort in knowing that I am in good company of those that commit a piece of themselves, a piece of their souls to a love of a liquid. Hemingway was a genius b/c of liquior, Porter b/c of beer, and thus I am destined to be better thanks to the piece of myself I willingly have given over to the care of coffee."

Latte Count: 4

With deepest regret...

Ok so I have not been the diligent blogger that I should have been this week. have mercy, the sphenoid bone is alluding me with all its complex wonder. However, if I can't personally entertain the tens of you actually read this blog, I can at least direct you to other shock-and-awe sources.

I have a pretty high tolerance for jelly fish thanks to the 11 summers I spent in the Neuse River at Camp Seafarer. But these... I'm less confident of my ability to withstand a "mermaid kiss" from one of these bad boys...

http://www.fastcompany.com/blog/ariel-schwartz/sustainability/japanese-fight-giant-jellyfish-invasion-jellyfish-infused-space-c

Ok so I have found a whole new world of convenience. I can now successfully post to this blog from my phone, get excited b/c I am. This comes at an esspecially convenient time bc this week I have my first midterms in both of my classes on friday. Which means I have voluntarily sentenced myself to a week of hard core studying, the likes of which have not been seen since the week before my AP Bio exam in high school...

Test post: I'm texting this from my phone, cross your fingers that it works!

"She and Her Job Just Broke-Up Last Week..."

I received a FB message from one of my college professors yesterday. (Nothing thrills me more than receiving FB messages from people of my parent’s generation, it gives me hope that one can grow older and not grow out of touch) Anyway, he sent me an article that I related to on so many levels. This girl amassed some sound advice based on her ten-cities-in-one month job search in the advertising industry this year. I thought everyone suffering the blight of the class of 2009 could benefit from it, advertising or otherwise.

http://adage.com/gennext/post?article_id=138867

The point she makes that stands out the most to me is #4, “Unemployment is forgivable; idle hands are not”. THANK GOODNESS!

Truly, Kelly Eidson, you have made my day. As much as I’m enjoying the new challenges in front of me, I’d be remised not to admit I feel more than a little awkward about being unemployed. But busy I’ve got covered. Now granted, being busy going into an entirely new field is probably not what Kelly was talking about, but that’s my spin on the whole situation.

And as nice as a little unprompted, outside positive reinforcement can be, that’s not why I dwelled on the article for so long. Kelly’s advice stuck in my head because it was just so damn familiar. Where have I heard this before?

And then I realized it. Kelly is coaching me through a break up. Her advice sounded exactly like the advice you get from your friends when you abruptly lose the half that makes you whole. (This could bring whole new meaning to the expression “married to your job”) Its the kind of thing you need to hear after one of those earth-shattering kind of break-ups where he/she leaves you high and dry and your world comes down around you. Kind of like the economy right now…

Side by side translation:

Kelly’s Job Search Advice	Chris’ Break-Up Advice
1. The sun is coming out (if slowly)	1. Everyday will get a little better
2. Calculated restructuring	2. You need to think about what you really want
3. There are no jobs, but there’s plenty of work	3. So you don’t have a boyfriend, there are plenty of fish in the sea
4. Unemployment is forgivable; idle hands are not	4. Stop thinking about him, get busy with other things
5. Not all markets are created equal	5. He’s no good for you

*Disclaimer: Sorry if it seems sexist that this is only from the female perspective, but I don’t know what guys say to each other after a break-up, please feel free to enlighten me…

I really appreciate this perspective that Kelly has given me. It gives me a template with which I am familiar. Amid all the CNBC and NYTimes mumbo jumbo on how, why and what is happening, it finally all boils down to your garden-variety break-up. But at least I understand what I’m up against.

Because I’ve done break-ups before. I survived. Hell, I’ve even grown from the experience of a few of them. But most importantly, I now have a familiar beast to battle. I know what to do... which is exactly what I’ve been doing. Being busy. But with the added bonus that now I have more reason to believe it will work.

But what I’m most excited about is this. They say that relationships come along when you least expect it. So by proxy, a great job opportunity should come along when I least expect it, too. Well I hardly expect it at all in this economy, so now seems like the time for a job to jump up and grab me…right?

The Stay-At-Home-Mom Complex

Going back a few days, I wrote (very briefly) about how unemployment was running me ragged. Lets explore that topic again, shall we?

The myth about unemployment is that you have time to kill. That you have nothing to do. And that you couldn’t possibly be busy without a job.

I am just as guilty as anyone else. Upon entering this summer, I was concerned about being able to fill my time productively while at home. That fear was quickly abated when I began taking chemistry 101 and 102. Class from 8-10, library from 10-2, lab from 2-5. Bam, 8-5 job.

However, I fell for the myth again when I came back to Chapel Hill. Being enrolled in only two classes and volunteering one day a week at UNC hospital, I set out to find other things to do. I started a blog (ta dah!), which led me to apply for an internship for another blog. And today I am yet again about to fall for the myth of bored and unemployed. I’m interviewing at Duke Hospital today to get another volunteer shift each week.

But between all the blogging, studying, class, labs, group meetings, and volunteering I’m also trying to whip my butt into shape. So that means I get up at 7am everyday to run. (I hate to run and love to sleep, so this is particularly earth shattering).

I’m reminded of what one of the retired women from my parent’s neighborhood said to my Mom at some point over the summer. She wanted to know why my mother, who is a home-maker and therefore technically (and for lack of a better word) unemployed, didn’t have time to play golf with the girls?

“What do you do to fill your time?”

My mother is too polite to go off on this, and this woman was genuinely surprised my Mom hadn’t chewed her arm off from boredom over the last 25 years. But this woman personifies a prejudice of which so many are guilty. This perception that if you don’t have a boss and a pay-check means you aren’t busy is what I’m going to call the Stay-at-Home-Mom Complex.

And OMG it is SO frustrating. I promise everyone right now, unemployment is not for the lazy. I envy my friends with jobs because they’re off the hook when they leave the office. But when you suffer from the Stay-at-Home-Mom complex you feel the obligation make highly productive use of every waking hour, 7-12. At the same time you have to disappoint your friends who don’t understand why you don’t have time to hang out.

So have mercy on the Stay-at-Home-Mom Complex suffers in your life. Hand them a coffee, a Red Bull, or a 5-hour Energy, because its been a busy day and we haven't made it through half our To Do list either...

Financing the proletarian education system....

Today I’m a little peeved at the new North Carolina budget and Bev Purdue. I’m not usually a very political person. But I’m trying to understand the long term logic behind the education cuts in the NC budget.

This weekend my roommate and I were discussing taking an EMT class together. It would be a great way for me to log some patient contact hours over the summer and into next year. My roommate had worked as an EMT before and told me that when he first took the class it cost about $165. But now it cost around $255, which is a 35% increase. This is supposedly due to the cuts made in continued education programs this year.

I can understand why cuts have been made. I can even support a lot of them. But in a time when so many people are trying to acquire some continuing education to protect them selves in this poor economy, I’m having difficulty in seeing the logic in such a large cut in this specific area.

This chagrin was reinforced yesterday morning as I was walking to campus and picked up a DTH. (The DTH is the Daily Tar Heel, UNC’s campus newspaper) The cover story today was about the budget cuts and the disproportionate burden being placed on out-of-state tuition vs. in-state-tuition. According to the DTH, there is a clause that limits the increase of in-state-tuition to a maximum of $200. Out-of-state tuition does not have a limit.

Where is the cap on tuition increases for the rest of us? I think it’s great the state is taking steps to keep UNC-CH affordable for NC residents. But a small percentage of people actually get to go to UNC-CH. What about the tuition cap on the other, less high-profile, education institutions in this state?

First post graduate profile...

I just got off the phone with one of my favorite people, Porter. Sadly it was the last time I will hear his voice for quite a while. Porter will be making a very long trip this weekend. To Africa. Specifically Ethiopia. The plane ride from DC to Addis Ababa is 16 hours. It’s such a long plane ride that the plane will have to make a pit stop in Rome to refuel. Because it’s SO far away you can’t even fill up a plane with enough gas to get there. (I suggested that in that amount of time Porter could get drunk on the flight, sober up, have a hangover and recover.)

Clearly, I’m having separation issues…

Luckily, Porter will be making this great leap into irony (if you know Porter you know why him going to Africa is miles beyond ironic) in the company of a few others. Grant, Porter’s heterosexual life partner, is another UNC graduate. Adam is an Economy major from Hampton-Sydney. And Sam is a History major from NC State. Porter majored in Political Science and History.

And here is what I love the most about Porter’s post-collegiate plan; there is no plan! Ok that’s an exaggeration. But these guys are going to Africa with only a rough idea of what they will be doing once they get there. Porter and Sam will be teaching English in some capacity. Grant and Adam will be doing something in community development.

I know these guys are going to be doing some great work and all. And that’s great. And I’m not trying to bash on Ethiopia (interesting note, its got one of the world’s fastest growing economies and with the right government leadership could be a agricultural powerhouse) But I can’t help but wonder what it says about the United State’s economy that 4 college graduates from 3 respected universities believe placing their bets on vague job descriptions in a third world country will give them more opportunities than they would have here….

Huge THANK YOU to everyone that responded to my call for followers!

So let me just say welcome to the 50 (and counting) new followers I’ve accumulated since 3pm today. Yall are awesome. Yall are a part of a special and unique group of individuals, in that I have your contact information.

So mostly everyone knows the deal. I need followers to legitimize my blog for my new blogging internship with Lovegevity.com. So come January, I’ll probably hit everyone up again to follow that blog too…. Ahh the circle of life.

But I’m really excited about this internship. It’s a great way for me to stay plugged in with my first love, Journalism, while still pursuing my new love, Medicine. Somewhere in there I’m going to have an affair with Spanish, which is the love that I love to hate.

It’s shaping up to be a busier year than I expected. And that what has surprised me most about being unemployed. I am SO busy…. And on that note, I’ve got to peace out, because I have yet another engagement today...

Future topics: Porter leaves for Africa on Saturday, WTF?

Unemployment is running me ragged continued...

Eggs in Two, Three, Four Baskets

I’m sorry to have neglected the blog yesterday. I owe particular apology to Porter, who emailed me today to remind me I had not written since Friday. (to avoid confusion in the future, the blog is a job, and therefore I perform it during the workweek)

Yesterday was a big day in the rest of my life. I began volunteering at the hospital in the Pediatric Emergency Department. It took me one shift in the ER to decide that I’m going to have to learn some Spanish.

This previous statement will only horrify a few people, namely my mother and Mrs. Davila, my high school Spanish teacher. Both of these sainted women took the brunt of my furious battle against Spanish during high school… I lost. So when I arrived at UNC, I begrudgingly took the two mandatory Spanish classes to allow me to graduate and said Adios!

Until yesterday my more advanced Spanish consisted of “Es lo que ella dijo”, which was patiently taught to me last spring by my two (fluent) roommates. It was in preparation for our spring break trip around Spain. For those as linguistically challenged as myself, that’s Spanish for “That’s what she said”. (For those that are pop culture challenged, it’s a line from Michael Scott of The Office. If you don’t know Michael Scott of The Office, then I can’t help you.)

Luckily for me, I seem to be in good company. There are many aspiring medical professionals in need of some newfound aptitude de Espanol. For this reason, there is a Spanish class taught through the Friday Center for Part-Time Studies specifically for medical professionals. So I know at least one more thing I will be doing this year.

But this kind of diversifying seems to be the reemerging theme behind post-graduate life. Which can be a difficult adjustment in some respects. Even though UNC is a liberal arts education and has requirements in several curriculums, that’s not always the attitude reflected by students and faculty. There is an attitude that if a class is not in your major, it’s just as elective. (Although not an all together untrue statement, its carries a negative connotation) And from the faculty side of things, there are certain professors or departments non-majors simply do not take because if you don’t major in their field, it’s a widely accepted notion that they will… remind you why that particular subject is not your major.

My Dad is still bitter about the 'C' he got from an English professor his freshmen year. Apparently this man had the audacity to have the class write down their name and major and pass them in. According to my Dad, at the end of the semester all the humanity majors got A’s and B’s. And the lowly science majors like himself received C’s. (Unsolved mystery as to how my Dad knows the grades of every person in the class.) But I’d be lying to say I don’t have the exact same feeling about a grade I received from a TA I had in an elective course. (Which ironically enough, is a prerequisite for many PA schools…)

Maybe it’s the student’s fault for not taking a non-major class seriously enough. Maybe it’s the professor/TA’s fault for not expecting good work from a non-major. If everyone were honest, I’d bet it’d some of both…

But here in lies the danger. If students or faculty feel that students can only, or should only, thrive within their major we, as a generation, are poorly prepared for the real world. Success in the real world is rarely based on the mastery of a single skill. Only so many people get to be so invaluable that it justifies that their entire effort be channeled to that one purpose.

Amy Winehouse is one of those people. She’s a cracked out mess. I hear she sings too. But mostly what I want from her is a spectacle. And that’s all I ever expect from her.

What we’re going for people, is Mylie Cyrus. That girl has a TV show, a #1 song on iTunes, a hit movie in the box office, magazines covers, including Vanity Fair, and was up for a Relly Award on Regis and Kelly today. I’m not usually a Mylie fan, but the girl is covering her bases.

As the economy turns around, success (and gainful employment) will be based more on one’s ability to fuse their skills to a productive end than it has in the past. And that means, despite my specialized college degree, I'm gonna have to diversify. I may want to be a PA. But its unlikely I will be very good unless puedo hablar con mi pacientes…

Are you currently employed? define employed...

Okay so according to dictionary.com (oh blessed tool that you are) employment is defined as "an act or instance of employing someone or something". Great, so according to dictionary.com I am employed. I do things. I go to class. I volunteer. I take entirely too much joy in watching Regis and Kelly every morning. Sadly, dictionary.com is not the standard to which employment is measured.

Which got me thinking, exactly how does one measure employment? I think if I'm going to be successful in achieving something this year, I need to know what I'm working towards. So the ultimate goal is gainful employment. As in it doesn't cost me money to work.

Because the thing is, there are tons of employment opportunities out there. A personal favorite is one I ran across this summer. A human right's lobbyist group in DC was seeking an intern for an unpaid position. Qualifications included a bachelor's degree. So what I'm hearing from this human right's group is that they want slave labor in their office, but no where else...

I'm not saying that unpaid internships don't have their place. I certainly did my fair share of them and benefitted enormously. But post- college internships should at least come with pending job offer. Honestly, I've heard of more unpaid internships for college graduates, its shocking. The whole idea behind college, so I've been told, is that its supposed to open up these jobs that have higher earning potential.

Does anyone else feel like some businesses are taking advantage of this situation a little bit when it comes to internships? I mean, I understand that businesses are in trouble and have had to cut back. But is relying on unpaid labor the solution? I see a slippery slope...

My Game Plan

When the glorious day of graduation had arrived and a job had not, it became imminently important that I come up with some sort of plan in order to fill my time (productively?) after graduation. Up until that point, when asked "so what are you doing next year?" it was socially acceptable to have some sort of vague, avant-garde response about how the economy had derailed your plans and that you were gonna "see what happens".

I miss avant-garde because it essentially meant you got to ignore reality and plow right through under any sort of circumstance you may dream up. Of course the down side is that you end of making decisions based on those circumstance you dreamed up, and now you are what the rest of the world (operating under circumstance of reality) call dillusional.

And I miss vague. For some reason or other, I can't remember right now. You know? Of course you do.

Since my subscription to vague and avant-garde have both run out, I am left with a very serious and specific problem. Despite our education, experience, and facebook expertise, I and many of my fellow class of 2009-ers, seem to be unemployable. At least for the time being. (Hence the blog, duh)

My plan is to start fresh, in a field more known for its stable employment opportunities: health care. (Lets just hope that the new healthcare plan plays to my favor, because if not I'm gonna feel really stupid.)

So after 4 years of studying advertising, I spent my first summer out of college... in college. I took classes all summer and just this week I have returned to Chapel Hill in order to continue on with the prerequisites. So hopefully in a year, probably two, I can be ready to apply to PA school. God and stock market willing...

Tomorrow's topic: defining 'employed' or eggs in two baskets

Matriculation

Calling on all the unemployed of the college class of 2009. I know you're out there. And I know you've got the time to read blogs like this one. Welcome to the company for which your misery has been longing. It is the beginning of a year long journey I'll be attempting to navigate here.

So, I just graduated from the University of North Carolina with a degree in Journalism and Mass Communication in the Advertising sequence. I also minored in English. So I guess a blog is an obvious move for me. Although, that seems to mean precious little today. I'm 3 months out from graduation and I am yet to experience the miracle of gainful employment.

But I'm not alone. There is plenty of company for my misery. And so that is what you can hope to find here. How are all of us, the unemployed college class of 2009, handling the unbelievably inconvenient and poorly timed recession?

I'm excited about this for a few reasons.

1. It will give me something to do everyday, which is kinda like a job right? Sans the pay check.

2. I'm already impressed with the game plans that my fellow class of 2009-ers have come up with to get through this mess. Some are brilliant, some are just entertaining...

3. I'm optimistic that should this blog fall in the way of the correct government officials there could soon be a bail out plan for recent college graduates. When some fellow class of 2009-ers and I were discussing this last night we though that a Cash for Drunkards program would be an appropriate follow-up to the success of the Cash for Clunkers program.... thoughts anyone? Call your Congressman.

tomorrow's topic: what am I doing?